2016

She had learnt new things that she wouldn’t thought she would. She got to crossed off one of her bucket list countries to visit when she traveled to India. She’d breathed the air there, she’d seen the culture, she’d tasted the food, and man, she loved it there so much.

She handled a big event and she was proud of that too. Along the way, she got to know great people. She was grateful that the very same people happened to be her close friends now. In which she wouldn’t trade them for anything. Also, she got to know a stranger, and they too, become friends.

Among the great things she’d experienced, there were ups and downs that she had to go through. The downs were mostly when she had to cope with her little demon. The constant battle that she was forced to get into. She is trying to not let it win and control her. She will get better. She knows she will.

Bittersweet memories were created throughout the year. The year when it taught her to be a better human being and to never give up even when there are voices telling her not to. Nevertheless, she is hoping that the new year will bring her happiness that she’s longing for, new adventures to enjoy, and new memories to create. 2017 will be the year she says fuck it. (she says that everyday but yeah).

Happy New Year :]

It’s that time of the year again

when you feel like giving up

when you feel like everything you’ve done isn’t worth it

when you doubt your life decisions, always

when all these negative thoughts surround you

when you can’t even make a single thing right

when you worry that you’ll be a disappointment

when you’re afraid that you’ll fail, again

when things don’t go your way

when hope is lost.

 

And all I can say is that, I’m sorry.

 

Whatever the fuck this is

Some of you out there must have this one principle or rule whichever you may call it, that you follow, where you don’t give a single flying fuck of what everyone thinks of you. But deep down you do care about, or at least acknowledge on what people are saying about you. It contradicts with that one principle you are holding on to. And this shit happens to everyone. Don’t lie when you say you don’t care but you actually do care. It’s just a matter of whether you decide to show it to people and letting them know or you don’t. It’s black and white, no grey. My point is that, whatever the shit you do in this world, good or bad, people are gonna fucking talk. Whether you like it or not. They are gonna talk. Even if you are somewhat a private person, who never shares anything personal to anyone, or maybe you are a loud or well-known person, the society will still talk about you. It’s a cycle of bullshit that you gotta deal with. This is what you sign up for when you were born into this fucking universe. Fact is, the society sucks. And you know it too well. So, fucking deal with it. Bottom line is, we’re all hypocrites. Nobody’s a saint in this world. If you think you are, think again.

Ignorant People

I just feel the need to address this little issue I recently encountered on social media.

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Look at the guy’s comment. Okay, let’s discuss. (or hear me rant about it)

It makes me sad seeing people are still taking this whole thing as nothing wrong with it. What thing you ask? Not understanding how bad a mental illness can do upon one self. It makes me sad, and mad, and I can’t tolerate these ignorant people. Fucks sake, before you say something, bad-mouthing a girl, learn what depression is. Fucking learn the effects of depression. Those people who have it, they didn’t fucking ask for it. Depression isn’t something you seek. It’s a mental illness. And you comparing depression with laziness? What the fuck? Do you even know what it feels like to go through depression? Let me paint a picture for you.

  • Depression feels like you’re being stuck in a box that you can’t get out of—a very dark place where you feel so low that even simple tasks are difficult. You feel completely alone.
  • Cancer of the soul.
  • Torture
  • Living in hell

It’s not hard to educate yourself on this matter. It’s not hard. So please. If you decide to stay being an ignorant. I don’t mind. Go ahead. BUT do not say things that you have no knowledge of. That’s just gonna make you a fucking imbecile. Don’t make a fool out of yourself, okay?

Alright I’m done.

4am thoughts

I am known to trust people so easily. I do realise this fact. And I still do it anyway. But, what I fear most is, when you open yourself up to a person, letting him/her in and be a part of your life, you just don’t know if that person is sincere or genuine enough to be in your life. 

When you put trust in someone, it goes both ways. It’s a simple formula. 

I guess I’m not ready? Ahh fuck this. 

It hurts

Waiting for the right person hurts. Waiting for the right moment hurts. It hurts when you don’t know what is going to happen to you. Some say it happens naturally and you don’t need to think about it constantly. Well, I’m only human.

Watching other people being happy hurts when you feel the opposite. Is there something wrong with me? I wish someone could point out what I might be lacking at. It hurts when you think you have done everything right but you didn’t get anything in return. What did I do wrong this time?